Time to heal thyself!! It's all about becoming comfortable with being myself!

Today is a good day to write!  I was thinking of the last two status updates I had and they have motivated me to write.  Yesterday's status was about starting to worry what others think of you that you stop being yourself.  I've tried that.  I know that I'm high strung.  I try not to be but that is me.  It is who I am!  It's in my genes.  It's like telling me not to breathe!  LOL!  I'm trying my best though to be less high strung.  I can relax with the best of anyone but once I do, the questions start happening.  "Are you okay?  Is there something wrong?"  I've come to the conclusion that I have to be okay with being myself and if people feel a certain way towards me, that is their problem.  I'm a happier person when I can be comfortable in my own skin.  I've always been this way.  I'm a people person.  I "take care of people".  I do things a certain way because of how I was brought up.  There is the old saying that a person is a product of their environment.  I will blame my family on that!  LOL!

Today's quote goes along with my facebook status today:  "You will only begin to heal when you let go of past hurts, forgive those who have wronged you and learn to forgive yourself for your mistakes!"~~Author unknown. I think I best take my own advice and practice what the quote says.  It involves my post from 2 posts ago titled "More to the story" that brought up past hurts when I was called a "dog" by my boy classmates.  I have let something like that bother me for decades.  I've let it live "rent free" in my head for years.  I've tried and tried to get passed it.  I have to learn how to forgive or it will eat away at me.  I'm too strong of a person now to let it fester some more in my brain and heart.  They hurt my self-esteem which basically was a scar on my soul. 

I truly believe that we are all given the power/ability to "free" ourselves and/or "fix" ourselves.  The running helps me with that.  It is truly just a time for me and my thoughts.  I do a lot of praying and thinking on that treadmill.  How could I not?  I'm on there at least an hour or more.  It's my own form of therapy.  And along those lines...I am doing some cleaning around the house right now.  Okay, maybe not right this second but I have been working on clearing out stuff the past 2 weeks or so.  I think that is all part of the journey I am on.  A part of that journey is getting to know myself and loving myself ('cause I hadn't deemed myself worthy of that).  And this blog sure is helping me too!  Who knew something I was so scared to do would help me so much?  Some would say it is crazy and some would say I can't believe you put your thoughts out there for everyone to see.  For now, it is only the people on my facebook friend list that can see it.  I haven't made myself public just yet.  I figure the ones on facebook can choose whether they want to read it or not.  I don't have a problem with people avoiding it or choosing not to read it.  That is their choice and I respect that!  I just felt the need to have someplace to vent or have an outlet for my thoughts and this was the perfect place for it!

Life is too short to hang onto grudges, past hurts, or whatever you want to call them.  They are toxic to our "well being."  I've had to learn things for myself 'cause that is the only way I can do it.  I can listen to all the advice in the world.  I can be in "awe" of people who are just a teeny bit older than me who are "stronger" and have that wisdom.  But in order for me to actually "learn" something from it, I have to go through it myself.  I think that is what has gotten me this far in my weight loss journey.  It's worked for me so far 'cause it was just me going through it.  Me being responsible for me.  I'm not against another other options.  I tried one of those options and it didn't work for me.  Me deciding to do it for me and not someone saying to me "just try this, it might work for you."  I guess it's time to clear some more "stuff" out of my life.  I'm going to try my best to forgive and move passed it.  I said it about a year ago but always had it in the back of my head.  Well, it's really time to let it go, to forgive, to rid myself of "stuff" that has took up residence in my head and in my heart for far too long!   I'm loving the woman I am becoming...and "Monica, you're not a dog and never were."  AMEN!!