Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Accepting responsibility

Life is all about learning and growing and accepting changes as they come along.  No matter how many changes I have went through in the past 3+ years, I'm still evolving.  This is coming from a person who used to hate changes.  Kind of still do but I'm getting better at accepting them.  The things I constantly battle with is my self confidence, my self-esteem, how I react to people, worrying about stupid shit that hasn't happened yet.  I sure would love to put the blame on others for this and did do this up until last week.  I had my come to Jesus moment, so to speak.

I can't blame people for how I feel about myself.  It's like giving someone a gun.  They can't shoot you without you handing them the bullets.  I've been handing out bullets for so long.  Just like I can't blame anyone else for me and my weight issues.  I used to blame my parents on that.  Sorry Mom and Dad!   I was brought up to eat everything on my plate.  I had thinner cousins that would waste their food.  My folks weren't going to have any part of that.  They knew how hard it was to earn money to put food on the table and by golly, it was going to be ate at one point or another, preferably at that moment.  We did what they said (okay, maybe not always but shhh...we won't talk about that).  We were brought up in that generation where you didn't sass back.

Blame is easy to throw on someone else.  A person needs to own up their faults and I'm learning that big time.  I am not a perfect person nor do I try to be.  I'm human.  I just try to be me and I'm trying to be the best me that I can be.  A few weeks ago, I ran and had some wonderful insight and I posted it on facebook.  I heard some very valid points and got wonderful support in regards to it.  The one thing I know is that I can't expect anyone to fix me but ME!  I have demons and those demons are finding out that their hold on me is not happening anymore.  Find someone else to torture!  I'm in charge.  I don't want to hand any more bullets out.

In talking to other people, I find out that I'm not alone.  That we all have issues.  Nobody is perfect.  Everyone has something that they are dealing with.  I guess with me, I kind of put it out there with my weight loss journey being featured in a magazine and my blog here.  Not everyone is comfy with putting their "shit" out there.  I want to help people.  Even if one person reads this and thinks "Oh my, she just wrote what I'm thinking to myself"!   To know you are not alone, to know that you aren't completely insane is priceless, at least to me, it is!   LOL!

I am me!  I need to be more accepting of me!  I need to realize that I am doing the best I can and that I need to accept that.  Be done with it at the end of the day.  No sense of beating yourself up or beating a thought in your head over and over again.  Don't hand anyone the gun or the bullets!  You have a choice!  No one else to blame but you!