Thursday, February 19, 2015

Learning and growing....

Just doing a little bit of extra thinking today.  Not necessarily a bad thing but normally for me, it is.  I chalk that right up there with worrying.  And then I wonder why my head hurts some days!  LOL!  I'm finding out that I'm really not that much different than others.  I know, you can't compare yourself with others but I'm always listening to other people, mostly women, and they do some of the same things as me...which is kind of sad!

I deal with all the goodies:  self esteem, self worth, self confidence.  And I have had this discussion with a friend of mine and she mentioned that we put on and take off our "jacket" numerous times.  I am so guilty of that.  I get almost a little bit too comfortable (cocky like) with that jacket on.  I take that damn thing off and then that's when the over thinking/worry comes into the picture.  I can tell you a few times where that jacket was on and I was unstoppable.  Not a bad thing to if you could take on the world all by yourself!  But then you throw some doubt in there when the jacket is off and BAM, that jacket needs to be put back on.

I'm working on trying to keep that "jacket" on at all times.  There is nothing wrong with being a little bit unstoppable.  It's better than the alternative.  The other things are just so negative.  And when you doubt yourself all you are doing is hurting yourself and others.  And anyone who knows me knows that I would rather skewer my eyeballs out with pitchforks than to hurt other's feelings or my own feelings.

I think my problem with those bad things came about when I was growing up.  I was brought up to not be boastful, to not act cocky, to blend in and not stand out.  Pretty much, sit in the corner and behave!  Not saying it was a bad thing to be brought up with respect and etc. but it made me question myself on just about everything.  I still have difficulties standing up for myself and having my voice heard.

I just hope that I have did good by my kids.  I try to let them be heard, be it bad or good.  They talk to me, they stand up for themselves, and they let their feelings be known.  They seem to have their jackets on and they don't take them off.  I never wanted them to have issues with self esteem or self confidence or self worth but I know that I can't protect them from everything.  And the main thing is...I've let them see that their Mom continually tries to work on all those things that need to be worked on.  I've shown them what it's like to human.

Continuing to learn and grow.....