Thursday, April 26, 2012

Setback/Failure and Knowing the Difference

Yup, I know it's been awhile.  The road to hell is paved with good intentions and I try to do everything but there are some days I just strive to make it through the day with somewhat of my brain in tact.  LOL!  It's not that I don't have anything to write about but I also have to save some good stuff for my articles in the SJ Locale too!  :-)

I saw this picture on a website that I look up images for quotes on and I really liked what it said.  It pertains to me right now with my weight loss and my running for awhile.

I just ran my 2nd 1/2 marathon last Sunday (the 22nd of April) one day before my 43rd Birthday.  It was a thought I had in my head for awhile and then kind of shoved it away for awhile.  About a week before the race, I was talked into doing it.  Mind you, I was not prepared for it.  I have lately been pushing myself to do  3 days-4 days a week running and the most I had ran lately was 6-7 miles.  Nowhere's near 13.1 miles.  I think I had a little death wish going on or I'm a big glutton for punishment.

I did this race to prove that I could do it again plus, I ran with two of my friends that I met during my first 1/2 marathon.  We hadn't seen each other since September so it was really nice to get together with them and do it all over again.  It was a cold morning with some wind.  Nothing that would stop any of us "insane" runners.  We don't let anything stop of us from getting out there and getting our "running freak on"!  LOL!

We started out running together for the first few miles and then we split up.  It's hard to run together when we all are at different levels of running right now.  I started out going too fast.  I wish that I would've slowed it down a little to sustain my energy for the last 4 miles or so.  But there is nothing I can do about it now.  It is what it is.  I have to say this race was definitely harder on me.  I don't know why but I do know why, if that makes any sense?

I made it to mile 8 1/2 or so without stopping. Had every intention of running the whole time without stopping and walking but my body had other ideas.  Some days, all is right in the head, heart and body.  I can get into the "zone" but Sunday was not my day for my "zone" run.  I had side ache pains, my legs were feeling like cement blocks were attached to them, and I was having trouble regulating my breathing.  It was just an "off" day.  But now that the race is over, I see that I wasn't all that "off".

It was kind of weird...I lost both Stephanie and Shawn in the race.  I think I might have been meant to run this race at some point alone for many reasons.  I wanted us to run it altogether and I'm sure we will have other races that we will run together that we can do that but this race...I see I had to do it alone.  It was a test of will and determination.  To see if I had enough "fortitude" to push myself.  I did but I also saw that no matter what I do, I'm not the one who is in charge.

I would run for awhile and then walk maybe 25-50 yards.  I did this a couple times and then I would see a signs that people were holding and then I would be back to pushing myself.  The best sign was "Don't Stop"! Simple message right there.  I sure in the hell wasn't going to be walking when I went past that sign.  LOL!  I got near the last few blocks before the finish line and I had had enough.  I wasn't going to walk across that line...No Way In Hell!  I cross that line all by myself.  The only thing I heard was my name and the town I am from.  That right there was worth it.

I grabbed my medal and I found the nearest area to go lay down on the ground and collapse.  To find a little area where no one would see me.  I layed on the grass and I cried.  I felt like a little bit of a failure.  I see now that I didn't fail.  I did that race.  I started it and I finished it.  I cried while I was driving to the race so I figured I had it out of my system.  Nope!  It's kind of a hard thing to describe to someone who has no clue what you go through running 13.1 miles.  It's a build up and then a let down.  I had no clue what my time was nor did I care at that point.  I was glad it was done.

I'm glad that I did it and I would do it again and I WILL DO IT AGAIN!  I found out that my time was 2:10.34.  It was slower than my first but it was not as bad as I thought it would be. I didn't fail...I had a little setback!  Always look on the bright side of have to!