Tuesday, January 17, 2012

A brick wall...

My status update on facebook this morning got me motivated to write.  So, I'm just going with the flow on this one!  This weight loss journey that I have been on has been such a rollercoaster ride.  I had to take a little break with the running because I just haven't had the mental stamina that I need to have in order to push myself to my limits.  And right now, it feels like a brick wall to me!  I'm trying like hell to knock it down without any tools in my hand other than my own "mental" tools!

I just had an abundance of determination before that I thought it would completely fill me up for the rest of my natural life.  I guess not!  I am learning that I will have to continually push myself, that I have to make the time to  exercise, that the world won't end if I don't get a certain amount of miles in or that I don't run that day.  There is other things that I can do and still get that balance and clarity that I need and crave!

I've made enough excuses and the only one I am fooling is myself!  Time for Monica to kick her own proverbial ass!  People don't get it with me and how I think!  I'm unique in that way...I will call myself names and I will tell myself things just to get me motivated.  It worked for me last week during my Thursday night run around town.  I called myself a name that I will not post on here (very naughty) and I yelled at myself.  It needed to be done.  I have been "content" to just run the same amount each time I run.  It always worked for me before...to not listen to myself.

It sounds quite insane of me but hey, this girl embraces her insanity.  It's what drives me, it makes me happy in an odd sort of a way.  I just remember running this summer in the heat and telling myself...just one more mile.  It's so easy to talk yourself out of a lot of things.  To be content with whatever...well, not me!  I know in my heart that I have to get back to at least running or doing something 5 days a week.  It works like a happy pill for me.

So, in short...this brick wall will come down.   I don't care if I don't have any "tools in my hand" to knock it down.  I have the "tools" I need with me constantly and that is my "mental" tools!  God gave me those and I plan on using them to get me through this...to get me to goal finally!  Enough with the excuses, Monica!  Roll up the sleeves and GIT R DONE!

"The principle is competing against yourself.  It's about self-improvement, about being better than you were the day before."~~Steve Young