Thursday, December 29, 2011

Faith and Belief

As I sit here, pondering yet another weigh-in, I felt the need to write again.  I'm such a creature of habit...I'm trying to change that.  I let the few days before weigh-in get to me.  I start questioning every thing in my life.  I have to learn to let that negativity go.  I have faith, I know I do, but there is those times where I let things get to me!  I guess I'm human...what makes me think I'm not, is beyond me.

I had a good weigh-in.  I was pleasantly surprised to see the number be down even though it was a little loss, it was still a loss!  I'm just taking in the feeling and savoring it.  It's all part of this journey I am on.  I have found inner strength that I didn't know I had.  Strength in myself, my abilities, my emotions (even if it means I still cry a lot).  People don't realize that we all have the tools to fix ourselves and I've found that out in my life.

And one thing I have did is put it out there on facebook, this blog, and my articles for the St. Johns Locale Magazine.  It might be wrong for someone else but I'm one of those people that uses it as a accountability thing.  Too many people shove their emotions and problems deep down inside of them and they don't deal with it.  Anyone who knows me really well sees that I don't hide my emotions very well.  I wear those on my sleeve, for everyone to see!  

I sometimes think how different life would be if I would've had the confidence in myself back when I was a kid.  I took so much shit from so many people.  I let people define who I was and how I thought about things.  I guess you could say I was a huge "follower."  It kind of goes back to the old saying "Children should be seen and not heard."  Well, all I can say, is that I envy people who can speak freely!  I'm learning to use my voice but still am a little cautious.  It's that compassion for others and their feelings, that stops me from totally speaking my mind.  Not saying that others who speak their mind don't have compassion for others and their feelings but I'm just unique.  

I guess this blog is my helps me sort out feelings and emotions that I feel.  It gives me that place where I can say something and not feel as if I'm hurting anything or anyone.  It gives me insight in myself.  I'm really learning who I am!  Who knew weight loss would include a journey of self-discovery?  I just need to continue to have faith and belief in myself!

"You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life." ~~ Steve Jobs
Have faith and's as simple as that!

Thursday, December 1, 2011

"The lesson is in the struggle, not in the victory."~~Anonymous

I wasn't planning on blogging so soon after the one I just did but I am needing the "therapy".  I had weigh-in this morning.  I was a little stressed about how it would turn out.  I have been only running once a week and I have  relaxed a little with my eating.  I even enjoyed some desserts on Thanksgiving.  Not something that I have allowed myself to do since I began this journey.

I don't want to over-think why I lost this month but I won't lie and say that I haven't tried to grasp my hands around it.  I have busted my butt in the past and watched everything that I ate.  It's disheartening to have a gain happen after that.  So, when I lose a couple lbs. after "relaxing" a little...then I get that same feeling.  Don't get me wrong, I am very pleased with the loss.  I am pleased with what I've been able to accomplish so far.  It's just hard to put my heart and soul into this and not wonder the "whys" once in awhile.

I need to get back into my running and/or weight training.  It's such a sanity saver for me.  It's sort of my happy pill.  It gives me that balance and clarity.  It also evens out my moods.  I really have seen a difference since I started all this.  I don't think most people who haven't did some form of exercise get it.  I know it's the endorphins (the feel good chemical).   But it's more than that for me.  It's the feeling of accomplishment.  The feeling of empowerment.   I haven't felt a feeling like this before.  When I ran Cross Country in High School many, many years ago there wasn't the "drive" there that I have now.  I really wish that I would've enjoyed it more!  Sorry Spals!  I would've been a better runner!  Hee-Hee!

I just need to relax a little...cut myself some slack!  There is "no contest", no prize for me (except being able to say I did it...for myself)!  I am such a unique person...I really am!  I know what makes me tick!  I have empathy for people's feelings, I wear my heart on my sleeve.  I feel things deeper than most people.  It may make me a little more open to being hurt by people but such is life.  I look at experiences in life as something we have to go through in order to be a better person.  I try not to have regrets!  With that being said...

“We should all start to live before we get too old. Fear is stupid. So are regrets.” 
― Marilyn Monroe