Saturday, May 28, 2011


It's kind of funny...the things that a person is "scared" of.  I'm not talking about spiders and snakes or fear of heights.  I'm finding out that something that I was so scared about has turned into such an eye opening thing for me.  When I was approached to contribute a series of articles for the St. Johns Locale magazine, the first thing out of my mouth was...I am going to puke!  SERIOUSLY!

What I have found is that I am touching people with my story.  I have had a lady say something to me in Wal-Mart.  I had a lady request me on facebook who is trying to lose weight and read my article from a friend of hers at work.  I had a phone call from a woman who read the article and showed it to her weight loss group and wants to continue to do so with each article.   I've had a police officer in my town come up to me and tell me how nice of an article it was and what a thing to be proud of.  I went to the mailbox this morning and there was a note card in there from my aunt's sister who read the article and she said some very kind words that brought me to tears.

I'm overwhelmed with how well it has went over.  I'm sure that there are some people out there who are critical of it, but I can't do a damn thing about that.  I was so nervous to put my name out there, let alone my weight and clothing size when I began this journey of mine.  I had to "own" up to this problem of mine.  To do that in front of people...yes, it has taken every bit of courage I have in me still.  I am proud of what I've did but I also am very humble about it.  So, I just want to say THANK YOU to the people of the SJ Locale magazine for letting me share my story.  I'm eternally grateful!  :-)

To put into words the amount of gratitude that I have for the people that have supported me from the very beginning...OVERWHELMED is the only word that comes to mind.  To the people who have stood by me every step of the way, to the ones that didn't get sick of hearing me say how much exercise that I did that day or how I couldn't have this or that 'cause I felt it was "naughty."  To the ones that have listened to me cry, to the ones that I have been the wind beneath my wings, to the ones that have come right out and told me what they thought.  Yup, overwhelmed!

I've never been one to get too big for my britches, so to speak.  It just the way that I was brought up.  To not boast or bring attention to myself.  So, putting my story out there has made me go against that somewhat.  To leave my "comfort zone" a little.  I know it's seems silly but I "think" I still have one worry or fear that I will change.  I've been through enough changes in these past 2+ years and I'm open to everything that is in store for me but to say that I want to make sure to stay "Me" is putting it mildly.  I guess it all comes down to having...FAITH!!

Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase.

- Martin Luther King, Jr.

So, I guess I just need to not worry -- to give it God!  He's one of those people in my life that hasn't left me for nothing!!  To that...I am BLESSED!

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Writing from the heart....

Once again, I'm a little behind on updating the blog.  Partly because it's the busiest time of the year (school coming to an end) and partly because I'm feeling a little "out of sorts" right now.  I haven't really been updating my status on Facebook much either.  I find myself second guessing everything and getting overly analytical.  I think the problem lies in the fact that I'm wanting to be a more positive person.  I want my postings on here to be more positive and the same thing goes for Facebook.  The problem with that is...I do have my "off days" and I wanted this blog to exist so I could vent.

I just need to go back in time and do what I know is best and that is to write from the heart.  With that being said, here goes:  I had my weigh-in last week Thursday and for once, I didn't dwell on it beforehand.   I feel more at peace with it.  I can't do any more than what I'm doing so why beat myself about it ahead of time?   Even being there at the doctor's office, I had a "peace" about it.  I pretty much said that I don't give a shit what the scale says as long as I know that I've did my best and that I feel great and look great, it really doesn't matter!  Please don't get me wrong...I'm still going to be plugging away to get to goal even if it is "some day" far, far away from this moment.  It is very important to me to finish what I have started.

It dawned on me the other day, that I will never really be "done" with the weight loss.  It is a life style change...a forever thing.  For me to say I never, ever want to go back to my former weight is understatement.  I have worked my ass off to get to where I am today.   I have been on both sides of the coin now...heavier  and smaller.  I don't care what anyone says, it is true that people treat you differently when you are bigger.  It is really sad that people can be that way but they are.  It doesn't matter what size a person is, they are still a person...a person with feelings.

It is almost like there is a "prejudice" feeling for some people.  They figure that a heavy person is lazy or that they don't care about themselves.  Sometimes health issues come into factor as to why a person puts weight on.  Sometimes it can be emotional issues.  Sometimes it can be your family history.  I just know that I didn't set out to be the weight that I was.  I have a firm belief that things happen for a reason.  Maybe I was supposed to have this "struggle", to learn from it, to be "changed for the better" because of it.

I'm finding out that no matter what has happened in your happens for a reason.  There is a plan and we must all go through whatever we have to go through in order to get to where we are supposed to be.  Obstacles are just stepping stones, difficulties in life are blessings in disguise, and things aren't always what they seem.  I'm not going to lie...I would like to know the whats, wheres, whens and whys just as much as the other person but sometimes we just need to sit back and let life happen!

 "It is good to have an end to journey toward; but it is the journey that matters, in the end."  Ernest Hemingway

I'm going to try to update this blog more.  It is very therapeutic for me!  Plus, it is now attached to my articles for the SJ Locale!  ;-)  Until next time...