Writing from the heart....

Once again, I'm a little behind on updating the blog.  Partly because it's the busiest time of the year (school coming to an end) and partly because I'm feeling a little "out of sorts" right now.  I haven't really been updating my status on Facebook much either.  I find myself second guessing everything and getting overly analytical.  I think the problem lies in the fact that I'm wanting to be a more positive person.  I want my postings on here to be more positive and the same thing goes for Facebook.  The problem with that is...I do have my "off days" and I wanted this blog to exist so I could vent.

I just need to go back in time and do what I know is best and that is to write from the heart.  With that being said, here goes:  I had my weigh-in last week Thursday and for once, I didn't dwell on it beforehand.   I feel more at peace with it.  I can't do any more than what I'm doing so why beat myself about it ahead of time?   Even being there at the doctor's office, I had a "peace" about it.  I pretty much said that I don't give a shit what the scale says as long as I know that I've did my best and that I feel great and look great, it really doesn't matter!  Please don't get me wrong...I'm still going to be plugging away to get to goal even if it is "some day" far, far away from this moment.  It is very important to me to finish what I have started.

It dawned on me the other day, that I will never really be "done" with the weight loss.  It is a life style change...a forever thing.  For me to say I never, ever want to go back to my former weight is understatement.  I have worked my ass off to get to where I am today.   I have been on both sides of the coin now...heavier  and smaller.  I don't care what anyone says, it is true that people treat you differently when you are bigger.  It is really sad that people can be that way but they are.  It doesn't matter what size a person is, they are still a person...a person with feelings.

It is almost like there is a "prejudice" feeling for some people.  They figure that a heavy person is lazy or that they don't care about themselves.  Sometimes health issues come into factor as to why a person puts weight on.  Sometimes it can be emotional issues.  Sometimes it can be your family history.  I just know that I didn't set out to be the weight that I was.  I have a firm belief that things happen for a reason.  Maybe I was supposed to have this "struggle", to learn from it, to be "changed for the better" because of it.

I'm finding out that no matter what has happened in your life...it happens for a reason.  There is a plan and we must all go through whatever we have to go through in order to get to where we are supposed to be.  Obstacles are just stepping stones, difficulties in life are blessings in disguise, and things aren't always what they seem.  I'm not going to lie...I would like to know the whats, wheres, whens and whys just as much as the other person but sometimes we just need to sit back and let life happen!

 "It is good to have an end to journey toward; but it is the journey that matters, in the end."  Ernest Hemingway

I'm going to try to update this blog more.  It is very therapeutic for me!  Plus, it is now attached to my articles for the SJ Locale!  ;-)  Until next time...