There comes a point in your life that you need to look deep inside of yourself and start taking the blame for your problems or issues and etc. You can throw the blame around and live in your own little world or own that shit. I am very guilty of throwing the blame elsewhere. And before anyone says to me, "Well Monica, you aren't being nice to "you" by blaming yourself for everything...you aren't being good to yourself by not accepting some blame.
For many years...far too long, I have tried to keep my hands clean, so to speak. Well, my hands are just as dirty as others. I have read articles, read books, you name it. This causes that, that causes this. Well, when does a person stop looking elsewhere to fix the real problem? Which usually is within yourself! Well, I for one, am going to try to get off the blame bus. I hate riding it and all it does is cause me inner turmoil.
I liked throwing blame on my parent's for my weight issues. They made me eat everything that was on my plate...probably just like everyone else's parents did during my generation. Here I am, almost 46 years old and haven't lived with them for almost 25 years. I didn't gain a lot of my weight until after I moved away. Hmm...how are they to blame for that? Yup, they aren't!
I liked throwing blame for my self esteem on some stupid boys in grade school who called me a dog. That was 35-36 years ago. Nothing like holding onto something for so long that is poison to your mind.
My self-confidence and self worth and security were all affected by people who didn't tell me what I needed to hear or couldn't tell me cause I wasn't listening. Promises weren't kept, people not telling you the truth, people hurting your feelings, etc. So, instead of looking within myself to protect me and meet my own needs, I decided it was much better to throw the blame on my parents, ex boyfriends, former friends, an ex husband,and etc.!
I know most of you reading this will think I'm being rather harsh with myself, I'm not. It's time for me to own that shit! Too many people want to have a huge pity party. Too many people would rather keep their hands clean and not look at their flaws. They bury their head in the sand and then it starts chipping away at themselves. I once lost myself a long time ago and I'm not going to let that happen again.
I have always written from my heart. I have had a few people say that my blog may come across a little negative. Well, this is my outlet. It's part of my own therapy for me. If it helps someone then great. If it pisses someone off then don't read it. I'm trying my best to become a better me, a healthier me (especially on the inside) and a happier me! There is nothing wrong with that!