"Alone" time daily...a sanity saver or a person's worst nightmare?

Alone time...it's a thing that some crave.  And it's a thing that some have trouble with!  Namely me!  LOL!   It doesn't matter how busy I am or how NOT busy I am...it's still the same!  I have my moments where it's great...where I am able to just be "still" and have it be quiet.  And there are those times where I am completely alone with my thoughts and feel very "alone"!  I sometimes wonder if I'm just this "freak of nature" and wonder if it will ever change.

Do you ever really get rid of the demons that haunt a person?  And before anyone decides to have me committed, this is not just myself that fights those feelings.  I have talked to a few others about this particular subject.  My thoughts on this...those feelings a person has...are like a sweater.  You try to get rid of the sweater, you burn it, you rip it up, you give it away.  You put the sweater on...on the days where you aren't so sure about yourself.  And there are times, you feel amazing and rip that sweater off and strut around like you are this proud peacock!  LOL!

I am very grateful though!  And I'm learning it isn't bad to admit that you aren't perfect!  The only bad thing is to ignore it.  And the good thing is when you have people in your life that see those bad things and love you, still the same.  They see the best in you and they want the best for you.  And as much as I hate to admit it, time alone in thought every day is what a person needs.  That is where you find out so much about yourself.

I'm seriously thinking that when I have those times when I want to put that "sweater of doubt" on...that I am going to journal it (privately) rather than give in to putting that "sweater" on.  And while I write down those things that bother me, I need to also look at things with a grateful heart and journal those things too!  

Life is all about learning and I guess I'm learning that "alone" time daily is beneficial to one's sanity!  

A little letter to myself that I should have written many years ago...

Sometimes I wonder if I'm the only one in this world who understands that I have issues and that I want to fix those issues myself.  Nothing against doctors and etc. but you have to fix you and you can't expect anyone to fix you.  You can just hope that you have people in your life that are there for you, to support you and love you through it.  And before anyone starts thinking I'm mental, I'm not...no matter what anyone says!  LOL!

I guess I don't understand people.  And it really isn't my job to understand anyone else but me...but I get a little curious about those people who are oblivious to anything that they do.  I know that I'm guilty of throwing blame on others for certain things.  But I also am not to blame for everything that has ever went wrong.

I was brought up to say sorry when I have wronged people.  I was brought up to be a good person, to see the good in people, to be friendly, compassionate to others, put yourself in their shoes, and etc. The problem with that is I became somewhat of a doormat.  People started to take advantage of that niceness, that naive little girl. 

There are days where I just would like to kick my own ass.  If I could write a letter to myself many years ago, I think it would go like this:

Dear Monica,

It's not your job to fix all the problems of the world.  All you need to worry about is to be the best YOU that you can be.  It's not your job to put blame on others for your issues with your body image or for the way you feel about any other issues.  It's not your job to say yes to everyone when you want to say no.  And you sure in the hell are entitled to say NO and not feel guilty about it.  

It is your job to love people that love you.  It is your job to take care of the people in your life that have deemed themselves worthy of that special treatment.  It's your job to be the respectful person that your parents brought you up to be.  To not hurt others and that includes not taking your frustrations out on the ones that love you.  It's not their fault, it's yours because you chose to not stand up for yourself.

Remember this, my dear Monica...You can fix those things about you that aren't healthy (mind, body and etc.) but don't change those major things that make you, YOU!  Remember that you are special, that you are one of a kind, and that you can't make people act a certain way, think a certain way, or be a certain way.  You be you and let others take care of themselves.  And remember these two things.....STAND UP FOR YOURSELF and TO BE TRUE TO YOURSELF!

Love Always, ME!