Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Self-Esteem, Self-Worth, Your Attitude/Outlook!

I felt the need to blog today.  Lots of stuff on this crazy mind of mine and sometimes the only way I can rid myself of my thoughts is on here.  That is the main reason I started this blog.  To have an outlet where I could come and write what I want:  the good, bad, and ugly.  I do have ugly thoughts!  I do feel bad about myself from time to time! But I have plenty of good!  My life is so full of good that some days, I'm afraid of being too happy.  Yes, that sounds twisted of me!  LOL!

What got me thinking about this, is that I had a truly awesome weigh-in last Thursday.  I never expected it to be as good as it was.  It truly shocked the hell out of me.  I mean, I continually bust my ass to try to get to goal every single month, for 4+ freaking years now.  I go every month, with a glass "half empty" outlook to protect my feelings.  Otherwise, this girl would be bawling every time I step on the scales and the doctor's office would be prescribing me meds or locking me up in a padded room. LOL!  I need to have a more positive attitude about it.  I need to have the glass is "half full" outlook instead.  I determine my attitude and outlook.  I still got teary eyed.  It was tears of joy, tears of shock, a pressure release valve on this heart of mine had been let go.  

I find it hard to share what it exactly feels like to be on this weight loss journey of mine.  I write about it on here and also share it with the readers of the SJ Locale but there is so much more to the emotions I feel.  Sometimes, I feel like my thoughts are too dark for people to read or to know about me but in reality, I'm just being honest with how I feel.  I don't care who you are, everyone has "different" thoughts in their heads that might be considered dark.  I'm just trying to share how I feel and if one person who reads this and is going through the same thing and gets some "inspiration" from me then I feel better that I have helped.

I have talked with others who have lost weight, either by themselves or with the help of surgery and it is so interesting to me.  They have the same issues that I do.  They see themselves as big still even though looking in the mirror shows otherwise.  It's a mind over matter thing.  This girl's mind is constantly trying to better herself.  I want to be the best me that I can be.  I want to be strong, I want to be secure, I want to be okay with myself the way I look. That probably sounds confusing to some.  A person would say, "then why are you trying to better yourself, if you want to be okay with how you look"?  What I mean by that statement, is that I want to be better on the inside.  

A person is always a work in progress.  We all need to grow and to learn.  If we aren't growing than we aren't really living.  I try to look at things in life as lessons.  And I would have to say my biggest lesson in my life is acceptance.  Acceptance of myself, acceptance of blame, just plain old acceptance.  I've  spent the better part of my life trying to make myself feel better about me.  I've let people and their opinions get to me.  I listen to voices that need to be "tuned" out.  Actually, those voices need to "shut the hell up"!  LOL!  

Your self-esteem and self-worth comes from yourself.  Not from anyone else.  It has took me a long time to realize this myself and I'm still working on it.  I wasted many of years of my life torturing myself with feeling like I wasn't pretty enough, skinny enough, smart enough, you name it 'cause of what other people have said or not have said.  I have to laugh...I read a quote once that little girls should be told that they are pretty all the time whether they are or not.  I personally think it's just be better to tell yourself that.  Don't expect anyone else to do it.  A person needs to stand in front of their mirror and tell themselves you are good enough, pretty enough, smart enough and etc.  

You determine your self worth!