I am learning something new every day and I am thankful that I am open to these changes. I have struggled for such a long time with issues. The weight loss brought about these issues but they didn't get fixed. I am coming to the realization that I have to deal with it. I know what they are. I'm not in denial. I am such an outgoing person and people see a certain side of me but there is only a few and I mean only a "few" that see the total me.
I struggle with self esteem issues, self confidence issues, issues with my weight, you name it. And I have been reading a dear friend's daily postings and it's inspiring me to learn to let go of "shit" so to speak. I can talk the talk but not walk the walk and that needs to happen. I talk about it so much but I have to do something about it. I started reading a book the other day and was amazed how just one chapter in and it's helping me "see". And reading both of my friends' postings, is another way of helping me "see".
I have tried to blame whoever I can for how I feel about me and not to take the blame myself. Happiness comes from within. Self love comes from within. Respect comes from within. I was taught to be a good girl, make "peace", get along with everyone, be seen and not heard, don't toot your own horn 'cause you might be too "prideful" in one's self. And I tell you one thing, if there is one thing to learn in all this, is that it will stop with me. I have 2 children who will not feel the same as their Mom did. And I say "did" 'cause I'm the road to changing this.
I have little moments that "hit" me...like a big huge smack across the back of my head. It's okay for me to toot my own horn. It's okay for me to speak up when something bothers me. But it's not okay to continually criticize myself. It's not okay for me to belittle myself. It's not okay to let people get to me and it's not okay to let other's opinions of me define who I am.
A person strives for true happiness when sometimes, it's right there. It's hidden. It's in the simple little things in life. Not worrying about the past, not worrying about the future. It's the "feeling" you get inside of you (a voice) that says you deserve this. You are worthy. You are gift from God. It's in the simple hug from your child. It's in the arms of the one who loves you unconditionally. It's in a walk, a run, time spent alone, time spent with loved ones. It's okay to be happy...truly happy...and it's really dumb to not let yourself enjoy that!
I will continue to read that book, I will continue to strive to learn all I can about myself, to fix the shit that needs to be fixed and to accept me, as I am. I am going to make it a goal of mine to let myself be truly happy with me! To speak to myself in a better tone, to respect myself so I can be respected by others, to love myself unconditionally!