I had a particular phone conversation where I was talking to a customer service rep and I was trying to tell her all the info that she needed from my end. She told me at one point to let her talk. All I could hear in my head is "Monica, you need to shut up"! I was so mad and it really set the tone for the rest of my day. It got me to thinking about how often I have chosen to remain quiet rather than say what I needed to say.
I think it sucks that people can't say what they want to anymore. Yes, I was hurt that she told me to be quiet. I was trying to help her with my info. But there are so many instances where people need their voice to be heard. I really am envious of the people who can say what they want, to talk back when they don't like what is being said, to stand up for themselves.
Standing up for myself is something that I'm trying to learn how to do. Yup, 45 years old and I haven't always did that. I have let others take care of things like that or chosen to remain quiet and not upset the apple cart, so to speak. I really think life would be so much easier if we just say what we need to say or do what we need to do.
I have watched this particular movie around 3 times and the part that always speaks to me is where the guy says that when he is nervous about something...count to 3 and just do it or say it. What is to fear, really? Rejection? Somebody thinking you are too assertive or that you are considered a brat? Others do that so why can't I? Because of those words that were instilled in me many decades ago.
I am finding out that even if I don't like what my kids say sometimes to me, it's their voice and they should be heard. I'm trying to break the habit with myself but first and foremost, I'm making sure that they don't grow up thinking that they can't talk or stand up for themselves. They will be much stronger than I was at their age.
I'm continually trying to learn and grow. I know there are times to be quiet and there are times to speak. And as I get stronger, the fear will go away. The self doubt will go away. I will be heard and I won't second guess about it.