Thursday, January 31, 2013

Keeping my eyes on the goal!!

Funny thing, I never know what motivates me to write.  What motivated me today?  A picture quote on a running website that basically hit the nail on the head for me today.  Weigh-in day.  A day that I get all worked up about.  You would think I would be accustomed to it or in my case, thick skinned about it.  But nope, still gets to me.  It can make me go from happy to sad or vice-versa depending on the outcome.

I know it seems crazy to some people that I let it still get to me.  I am such a creature of habit.  There are days where I would like to kick my own ass.  Why drive yourself crazy with something that you can't control?  Well, technically, this is something I can control.  But I have found out that no matter what I do, what I don't do, it's still out of my hands.  I hate that...I really hate that!

I go to these monthly weigh-ins and set myself up every single time.  I have tried having a positive attitude about it and that is when I get the most hurt.  So, I go in with the expectation that it will be bad and then, Miss Monica is pleasantly surprised.  Sounds like I am using reverse psychology on myself?  LOL!  I have to  do something because almost 4 years of being on that scale can be very hard on a person's head!

I still have my eyes set on my goal.  I won't take my eyes off of that goal.  It's so hard to explain to anyone what this means to me.  I have tried to before.  I always feel like explaining it this way:  you go to school for 12+ years to quit the day before graduation?  'Cause that is what it feels like to me.  I will not settle for being 22 lbs away from goal.  My goal number isn't bad.  It is on the higher end of the charts.  So, it isn't a unhealthy, unattainable number.

That is why I blog and why I am continuing to write for the SJ Locale.  I want people to literally feel what I feel. To know what it is like from my viewpoint.  I didn't have anyone that I could ask questions to or look to for inspiration.  I wanted someone to be able to read what it feels like to be overjoyed or completely discouraged.  The good, the bad, the ugly "side" of weight loss, per say.  If that helps just one person then so be it.

I am a very stubborn, strong willed woman.  I made my mind up a long time ago.  I dig my heels in harder each month.  THIS GIRL WILL DO IT!!  I'm still on the road...even if there are bumps that pop up...I will continue to look ahead!!