Personal growth and lessons learned...

I'm finding out more and more people have had self-esteem issues just like me. People who I never would've imagined have felt the same way that I did. I say "DID" because I finally decided once and for all, that it was "truly" time to put that behind me. I'm not going to lie and say that I won't totally forget it because you really never forget things from your past but it was time to let it go. Life is like that! You learn to let go of things, people, some times dreams, you name it. Yes, I would've given anything in the world when I was growing up to be well adjusted. To feel confident. To have no fear. To feel as if the world was mine. It would've saved a lot of years of heartache. But it is what it is!

I'm learning so much on this journey of mine. It's almost mind boggling. I feel overwhelmed some days with the emotions that I feel. One day I feel gratitude for the gift that I have been given but in the same breath unworthiness of that gift. The next day I might feel grief for the person I used to be. I'm learning to just try to go with the flow and enjoy this time and the lessons that I'm learning.

I say "lessons" because I am a firm believer that there is a lesson to be learned in everything that comes our way. We have to go through things in life in order to learn from them, to become stronger and better people. To have our "faith" tested. To find ourselves when we are "lost." To find meaning and beauty in life and the gifts that we are given. It's all part of the bigger picture that none of us even have the slightest clue about.

I was thinking of some of the changes that I have experienced. I've learned to step out of my "comfort zone". I'm doing things that I normally would've been uncomfortable doing. Example being... that I'm on the PTO Board as the Secretary. I was content to just go to the meetings. I was scared to something like that up. I've learned that I can handle it. That I'm capable of so much more than what I think I can do. I also started teaching Religion Class around the time that this "journey" started. The kids that I've had have been the best. To hear that they are excited to come to class on Wednesday nights does wonders for this girl's confidence! I'm extremely grateful for the opportunity to do that and also for the people who had confidence in my abilities even before I knew I could do it.

A little part of me wishes that I would've started this sooner - the blog, the weight loss, you name it! Timing is everything and I guess it just wasn't my time yet. I see that now! You just got to love hindsight! The lessons probably wouldn't have been learned and forever tattooed onto my soul, otherwise.

I love this quote and I've had it hanging on my refrigerator for years:

If we don't change, we don't grow. If we don't grow, we are not really living. ~~Gail Sheeny

So, with that being said, these changes are good for me. I will just learn to embrace them a little better and have the attitude that I can handle whatever comes my way. Until next time...