Glass 1/2 empty=a negative me!

Ahhh...there are so many things that I wish that I could change about myself.  I know...a person doesn't need to change who they are.  Maybe what I meant is that I fight like hell to change some stuff and really I don't need to change those things.  I need to change how I view things, think about things, react about things.

I dislike that I look at things "glass 1/2 empty".  I dislike that I look at good things ending too quickly (Christmas, Birthdays, spending time with loved ones and friends).  And one thing that dislike about myself the most is that I beat myself up about every little thing.

There are a lot of people out there that don't know this about me...that I feel unworthy of love, that I look at the negative side when things are going great (that there will be a ball that drops).  I look at things so differently.  Some days I wonder when that all started and I wish that I could go back in time and stop that shit from happening.

So as I go through life now, things like this become a struggle for me.  I don't want that attitude.  I want to be the person who sees that glass 1/2 full!  I really think it's inherited.  My Dad is the same way...Mr. Pessimistic!  I think that adopted this attitude as a protective measure.  I don't like to be disappointed. 

Well, I can see how dumb that really is!  A person can't protect themselves from every little boo-boo.  Life is full of beautiful moments but then life is also full of disappointments.  And if you spend your time thinking about the latter, you will have wasted those beautiful moments that you should be savoring.  Those moments let you know just how "alive" you are!  

And I had one of the sweetest moments happen to me today at the recycling center.  One of the students on my bus this summer, last summer and the summer before that, saw me there.  There is nothing better than hearing "Hi Monica" and getting a hug and seeing a huge smile come from a child with a lot of issues going on.

That child and a few others give me those "smack myself silly" moments.  You know...the ones where you literally feel like someone is showing you just how pitiful your little party that you are trying to have...really is!  That child doesn't see the glass as 1/2 empty or 1/2 full.  That child is just plain happy to have a glass!  LOL!

I swear, I will change this about me.  It isn't a bad thing to want to be better and to grow from certain qualities in yourself that you don't really like.  I think it would be worse to remain in my glass 1/2 empty thinking.  

And the main thing I have to remember is that I have the power to fill that glass and empty that glass!