Giving control of your feelings and thoughts away...

I have spent the better part of my life letting others determine what to feel, how to feel, what to think, you name it.  And I don't know if I'm just slow in "getting it" or I just need a proverbial "smack" in the face or what.  I had a wonderful conversation yesterday and I walked away with a little bit more help in that department.

I don't know if it was how I was brought up or a learned habit.  All I know, is that it sucks!  To give people control over your life, your mind and everything else is probably the worse thing that you can do.  I need to retrain my brain and it has been rather difficult.  I think that has a lot to do with being stubborn.  To admit to this fault is somewhat of an embarrassment.  It shows people your imperfection and then you risk to be taking advantage even more.

I have always prided myself on trying to be strong but I'm not.  I'm nowhere near being the strong, confident woman that I need to be.  I have imperfections and yes, I'm human and I need to learn to love my imperfections but some are really toxic and should not be celebrated or worn like a badge.  To rid one of these toxic imperfections is a task that is very daunting.

I have learned through this process is that you can feel what you want and you can say what you want and do what you want with your life.  You shouldn't feel guilty about it.  And you should try to be empathetic to others and their inner battles.  They are allowed to their feelings, their opinions and their choices.

I know as a parent, that I have had to step back and let my kids make their mistakes (just like my parents did with me) and I have learned to accept what they think or feel and not try to change it.  I try my best to let them have their feelings and respect them (even if I disagree with them or they hurt me).  We all have had to go through many things in life and you can either just let it happen or learn from it or let it happen and define you.  I would rather learn from it.  I am so guilty of letting it define me, to take over my thoughts and feelings.

I have been blessed to have two amazing children who have been given that freedom.  They are well adjusted and seem to be able to navigate through the potholes in life.  I'm proud that I have had a part in showing them how to do that even if I have had trouble with that in the past.

What a wonderful mantra to live by and this is something that I wish that I could have learned a long time ago.  Just another thing that I'm blessed to be learning in this beautiful journey I call life!