Inner Peace

Inner Peace...what a funny thing!  I know most people don't think of it as funny.  I mean funny, as in the sense of a person trying as they might to attain it.  The more you wish for it, the more unattainable it is.  I had just about given up.  I would pray for it, read things about it, you name it.  Couldn't understand why I felt off!  I felt like I was losing it, mentally.

I know that I have finally accepted a lot of things in my life.  I have accepted that I can't make people like me.  I have accepted that I can't control other people.  I have accepted that no matter how much I run or how good I do eating wise, that sometimes, even my best is not enough. I have accepted that I am me, that I have a lot to offer and if people aren't accepting of me then that is their problem and that I'm doing my best and that is their loss.

I have a weigh-in this Thursday morning and for once, I'm not obsessed about it.  I'm not over-thinking it.  I am at peace about it.  There has been so much I have learned over these 3+ years that I have been "at" this.  I call it a journey and that is what it is.  It's more than looking good.  It's about feeling good outside but even more...feeling good inside.  To feel better about myself.  To not put myself down.  Life is hard enough that I don't have to add to it.

I have been through so many changes.  My outlook on life has changed.  Friends have changed.  I know some people have felt that I have changed.  I have but I'm still Monica and I have feelings too.  It has been one of the hardest things that I have had to deal with and accept.  You have to change in order to "grow".  If you don't grow then you aren't really living.

So, this inner peace thing has been such a blessing to me.  I feel better than I have for a long time.  Even if I have a gain this coming Thursday morning, I will be okay...truly okay!  I will just continue trudging on in this journey of mine.  I've finally accepted that I'm human, that I have moments where I don't feel like running or that I want to snack. I'm not perfect and I'm not striving for perfection.  I have finally accepted that I'm worth so much more.

"Peace is to be found only within, and unless one finds it there he will never find it at all. Peace lies not in the external world. It lies within one's own soul." ~~Ralph Waldo Trine