Feeling better about yourself...a slow process!

Life is a funny thing!  I have often wondered why things happen the way they do.  I think I have it all figured out and then bamn, something changes my thinking drastically.  I'm trying to do less worrying.  I'm the biggest over-thinker I know.  I like to analyze everything.  I don't know why I have did that for most of my life.  Was I born that way?  I don't think so.  I think you learn bad habits and then it seems like it takes a lifetime to rid yourself of those bad habits.  And God knows, I'm trying to rid myself of a few doozies!  LOL!

I have wrote about this before and thought I had it conquered but it kind of creeped itself back into my life. Just some things in life that kind of "knocked" me down. A person has the control over how they feel but sometimes, I think there is just some things that take a little longer to get out of your head.  I've accepted that I have issues with myself, with my self esteem, my self confidence, you name it.  I'm choosing to deal with them head on and rid myself of them permanently.  I don't want anyone to think my weight loss is me not accepting myself.  I want to be healthier and me getting to goal once and for all is just that...a goal! 

I know that there is other people out there that think that they aren't good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, you name it. It's a sad shame that a person feels that way. I seriously could kick my own ass for even letting myself think negative about myself for as long as I have.  Decades...that is just plain stupid!  I'm a much happier person when I'm not over-thinking.  I can literally feel myself smiling from the inside out when I'm at peace. 

And it's so hard to explain to someone but that is one of the reasons I love to run.  The peace I feel when I run... it is priceless.  I see the beauty in nature and hear the outside noises but can "hear" the inside noises, if that makes any sense?  I get insight, clarity, balance, a peace about me during my runs.  I used to think it was the endorphins but it really isn't.  I just wish I could bottle up those feelings to last me throughout the day.  I'm learning though, that I can make them last by choosing to ignore the "demons" that try to get to me.  As time passes, those demons are slowly going away.  Because I'm choosing to not live that way.

And me losing the weight has helped with that.  I feel better about myself than I did before but I'm still a work in progress.  I want my insides to match my outside. I want to be the best Monica that I can be.  A person should want that for themselves.  Why would you want to be a half-assed version of yourself?  Not me! I'm not a half-assed person but I've been living life like that for how long?  I am good enough, I am smart enough, I am pretty enough and I will continue to tell myself that till it gets through this thick skull of mine!  

I have given control of how I think/feel to others for a long time.  I am my own person and I can't blame anyone else for me thinking/feeling the way that I do.  Just like my weight loss journey, it's a forever thing...a lifestyle change.  In order to feel better about yourself then you need to make changes and keep those feelings in check or better yet, rid yourself of the negative feelings.  And no one else can do that for you!  You and only you, can heal yourself!  

It's a slow process but it's still progress: