Have a little faith, Monica

Funny how my last post was about negativity and getting rid of some of it.  I had the worse weigh-in that I've experienced during this weight loss journey of mine and yet, I lived through it.  Not going to lie, I got heavily teary-eyed but I didn't bawl my head off!  I'm thinking the reason I didn't react to it as bad is 'cause I unloaded here first!  I also am not sure if it's 'cause I am learning to accept it or I'm just starting to get that "peace" about it that I so crave.  I know one thing...I think the changes that I have went through to get to this point in my life are helping with it.  A "healing" of sorts!

I'm still trying to "grow" into this new me.  I like her better!  LOL!  I still have my moments but I seem to handle things a little differently now.  I cry a little more, but that could be "hormonal" or it could just be I'm overwhelmed with all the changes that I've went through.  I've told myself that I needed to be open to whatever I needed to go through to get to where I'm going.  Things that could've been avoided growing up, things that I should've stood my ground on, things that I would've stood up for...the list of woulda, coulda, shoulda's could be a mile long but I'm choosing not to beat myself up about it either.

I think people get to a certain age in their lives that they want to better themselves emotionally, physically, mentally...you name it.  I wonder why a person can't experience that just a little sooner in their life but I guess with that comes the wisdom and being ready for it.  When you are younger, you just aren't ready for things like that.  I see that right now in young people and how they feel about themselves and how they react and look at things.  I look back to that time in my life and I see they are just acting the same way as I did.  I guess when you are young, you think you are invincible.

I know it seems like I have a lot "deep thoughts" that I put down in this blog.  It's really a good way to get them out of my head!  I tend to be an over-thinker, over-analyzer, neurotic...whatever you want to call it!   I'm thinking for as much unloading I do on here, that I would be at goal weight.  At least 10 lbs. of thoughts get unloaded each time when I write.  Heck, if that was the case, I would be skin and bones right now!  LOL!

Learning to love yourself takes time.  And I have often wondered why it has taken me so long to get to goal and I'm thinking these two things are going hand in hand right now.  I want that goal thing to happen probably more so than most people but I have to get realistic about it too!  I know I will make it happen...I have that much confidence and determination but when?  Who knows?  I wish that I knew but it goes back to the control issue.  I have to step back and let things happen how they are supposed to happen.  Have some faith, Monica!  It's as simple as that!

"Faith is daring the soul to go beyond what the eyes can see."                                                                          ~~William Newton Clark