Monday, July 3, 2017

Thinking a little differently

I really can't stand it when Facebook has that "this day in memory" thing.  It's nice when it's something that you want to look back on and smile but do I really need to be reminded of my weight loss/weight gain/struggle with pictures and postings?  I would say NOT!  It's something that I live with everyday.  But I'm beginning to look at it a little different now.

I saw myself as a bit of a failure with my weight gain after the loss of 106 lbs. I told myself that I wasn't going to go there again.  I probably even told a few people to slap me upside the head if I did.  Well, I didn't have anyone knocking down the door to slap me upside the head.  I guess that is where the first mistake has come in.  What I have learned in all of this...is that I can't expect anyone to do this for me ('cause it would sure be nice if someone could loss weight for me without me doing a damn thing).

The main thing that I have learned is that I'm not a failure and to look at it differently.  I didn't gain back all my weight so that is a good thing.  I didn't lose my drive and determination....they were just taking a nice little break.  I should be praising myself instead of beating myself down.  But I guess until you have lived with my struggle then you really don't know. Failure is not getting back up again.  Failure is not trying.  Failure is not learning something from it.

I know when I was in the "thick" of things with my weight loss, that I was not healthy in my mind & also body.  Nobody...except now...knows that I was a little obsessed (okay, to some that would be a lot).  Is it healthy for your body and mind to run a shit ton of miles, bicycle after that, lift some weights, and then go for either a walk that night or possibly another run?  Is it healthy to put something in your mouth so you can "taste" it and then spit it out so you don't gain from it?  Was it healthy of me to put an expectation bar up so high that I wasn't able to reach it?  Oh, I could go on for days....

I just started back up again to exercising.  Not to any extremes.  I'm walking right now.  I'm doing what my body is letting me do.  I do give myself goals as to distance but they are within reach and if I don't do it that day....it's not the end of the world.  I would like to run again...someday...but I'm rather content right now to do my little speed walking.

I'm doing my own thing (without anything else) just like I did when I started the journey back in 2009.  It's what I do and I don't want anyone to tell me what I should or shouldn't do.  At the end of the day, if I'm happy with me and my effort then that's what matters!  It isn't anyone else's lesson or lifestyle or journey but my own! 






1 comment:

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