I'm sitting here trying not to let things get to me but they do! As hard as I try, those damn demons just won't let me be. Going to apologize ahead of time for this possibly being a little negative. I try not to be and the days that this does happen are getting fewer and fewer in between. And to that, I'm thankful. I remember when I first started off on this journey of mine...I cried a lot, worried a lot and stressed a lot! It's been better for me to not sweat the small stuff as much. But just every once in awhile, something sets me off.
I'm running in the Mint City 10 mile race this coming Saturday and it scares me to death that I am doing this. I know it doesn't make any sense to anyone. I have been running now for 28 months. I run 5 days a week. I have did as much as 13.23 miles outside so I know that I have the stamina and endurance to get this done. It just comes down to this...I'm scared that I have committed myself to this. I have to show up now and I have to follow it through or I would look like a failure!
The similarity between this race and my weight loss journey is uncanny. I am running this race alone. I'm doing this weight loss on my own. Nobody can run this race for me. Nobody can lose the weight for me. Nobody will be disappointed more than me, if I don't run this race. Nobody will be disappointed more than me, if I give up on my weight loss goal because it is taking so long to get there. So, I think it is appropriate for me to be alone during this race. Granted there will be other runners so technically I am not alone in this but I just need it to be this way.
Don't get me wrong...I am looking forward to doing this race. It's a goal that I will be able to accomplish. It's something that I've needed to do. It's out of my comfort zone. I'm trying to hard to be a lot more open to things. I am 42 years old and I really don't want life to pass me by without doing some things that I want to do but am scared to do! That is why I love the Bucket List movie. I don't think you should have to be dying in order to have a list like that.
I think it is good for people to come out of their comfort zones once in awhile. It helps you to grow as a person. That is what I am hoping for after this race. To not be so predictable, to run and not think about how many miles or whether I'm doing it fast enough. I just want to get out there and enjoy it. To savor in the free therapy it gives me, to have my "alone" time with just me, my thoughts and God! It's my outlet, along with the writing. It didn't used to feel this way. I looked at it as exercise and now I look at it as something that needs to be done for me to become a better Monica!
I'm running in the Mint City 10 mile race this coming Saturday and it scares me to death that I am doing this. I know it doesn't make any sense to anyone. I have been running now for 28 months. I run 5 days a week. I have did as much as 13.23 miles outside so I know that I have the stamina and endurance to get this done. It just comes down to this...I'm scared that I have committed myself to this. I have to show up now and I have to follow it through or I would look like a failure!
The similarity between this race and my weight loss journey is uncanny. I am running this race alone. I'm doing this weight loss on my own. Nobody can run this race for me. Nobody can lose the weight for me. Nobody will be disappointed more than me, if I don't run this race. Nobody will be disappointed more than me, if I give up on my weight loss goal because it is taking so long to get there. So, I think it is appropriate for me to be alone during this race. Granted there will be other runners so technically I am not alone in this but I just need it to be this way.
Don't get me wrong...I am looking forward to doing this race. It's a goal that I will be able to accomplish. It's something that I've needed to do. It's out of my comfort zone. I'm trying to hard to be a lot more open to things. I am 42 years old and I really don't want life to pass me by without doing some things that I want to do but am scared to do! That is why I love the Bucket List movie. I don't think you should have to be dying in order to have a list like that.
I think it is good for people to come out of their comfort zones once in awhile. It helps you to grow as a person. That is what I am hoping for after this race. To not be so predictable, to run and not think about how many miles or whether I'm doing it fast enough. I just want to get out there and enjoy it. To savor in the free therapy it gives me, to have my "alone" time with just me, my thoughts and God! It's my outlet, along with the writing. It didn't used to feel this way. I looked at it as exercise and now I look at it as something that needs to be done for me to become a better Monica!
"If you're never scared or embarrassed or hurt, it means you never take any chances."~~Anonymous
I understand about being scared but I know you can do this MO! I'm pulling for you and so is everyone else that knows you! You will feel SOOOO GREAT when you finish that race! :)
ReplyDeleteThank you so much Patricia! I think I will be just so glad when the race is over and I can go back to just running to run and not to train. I'm such a creature of habit, though! It will be hard to change things up again but I have to! I have weigh in this Thursday morning(completely forgot about it cause I have been thinking about this race so much)and I just want to get past these two things and then change things up again so I can get this done. I have been very relaxed about it (the weight) and I know it makes no sense to anyone else but it's time for me to get back to what was working for me before! I want to maintain and I know now how to do that but I have to get to goal and then maintain. It something that I need to do...I just hope people understand.
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